Exams are over and strangely, I feel empty now.

No, I don't want to go back to the exam period!
(The exams were horrible :'(((( depressingly bad. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(*army of sad faces*)

It's the feeling of- hey, what am I supposed to do now, now that there is no studying to do (technically). Perhaps I need to find a cca or something I like to do, in addition to all the studying. lab is fun at times, but that's lab. Yesterday almost the whole lab went for an oktober fest outing(:

My spiritual walk has been somewhat in the dumps. I can't find the value in going to church anymore.

This is how it feels like to me----

praise and worship - singing of songs and I can't seem to get emotionally involved into the songs and words. Yes the tunes are nice but the words don't hold much meaning to me. I just watch how people get involved into expressive worship and wonder...
Sermon - It's usually the same things, drilled again and again. The essentials I guess. Sometimes you agree with the message sometimes you don't. After awhile, the message sort of dies, and doubt sets in. I think I have been doubting a lot of things these days that it's hard to walk back.

Easy to fall out but hard to stay in.

On the side note, I helped out at GM Pri Girls Brigade yesterday. (I've never seen so many small tiny cute people in one room for very long time! The kids were really cute!) The structure of the programme was similar to guides, except that it was based on christian values. My gg company had somewhat of christian-y values due to my captain, who is a strong christian.

Anyway, helping them brought back good memories of my days in the kc gg family. (: Basically I was there to help them with their school work as they were going to have their exams soon. Actually, haha I realised that I like to teach. (No it's not because of jamie calling me a teacher all the time.)

I don't think I would like to teach in a school though. The classroom has too many students (~40?) and as a teacher, you would not make much of an impact on the students. Sure, you'll make an impact on a handful, but not all. I don't think very highly of teachers as well, this is probably due to my impression of teachers throughout my years in school. 40 people in a class, and you change your class every 2 years, how much of an impact will you make? In a secondary school, you'll probably only see your students during your own subject classes, and that's it.

hmm.

illusion never changed into something real

reminder

i'm going to write a short note to remind myself.... of what i want in life.

i had been feeling rather lost lately- no aims, no goals, just tired from lab and school work. it's easy to get into the pace of things, go with the flow, and forget of what you truely want and hope for in life. i didnt have much time to sit back, relax, reflect on what i have been doing. right now, i'm sacrificing the time to study for my gen physio test. rargh. oh wells, i think i need to get my focus, whatever focus i had, back again. i feel that i had been neglecting a lot of things, my friends (sorry!!!:( i promise i'll catch up with you guys soon:S) and my daydreams.

As a child, i was the lost-in-my-own-world-dreamy sort of kid. my parents used to nag; stop dreaming, start studying and do the things you need to do. (parents can really think of many things to do.)

life science- is it the place i want to be? i'm in lab most of the time, working hard to get my results (my shRNA!!!! :(:(:(). I can do it, i can make it a career choice- but will i enjoy it? As i sink into lab life, i realise how comfortable it is to just go on, to continue to masters, to be a researcher.

BUT i doubt i'll feel satisfied with my life.

I was reading JK Rowling's speech at Harvard's commencement. (you can read it here.) She mentioned somewhere that she worked for amnesty international, and a strong emotion surged in me- Yes i want to work there as well. I always wanted to do this sort of things, but never had the strength to start. I don't want to work in a lab, I want to work in the physical front line of issues, not in a lab searching for a cure. yes, that's noble, but not me.

what do i do from here?
start small. look for something like amnesty to focus my attention on. read articles about issues.

it's so easy for me to lose my focus and get lost into the midst of things.

my blog has been cold for - exactly one month. Well, it's mainly because I can't think of anything of importance to write on the blog. I don't like to write pointless things, and I can't think of anything of interest to write. And everytime I think of something interesting to write, by the time I reach online, I forget. -_-

anyway, 2 papers down and 2 more to go. there is something about this holiday that is different from the others. I don't feel as... excited? perhaps I've been anticipating the holidays far too long that it does not have that "yay! time to relax! i dont need travel 1.5 hrs to school!" vibe anymore. and perhaps... it's so packed with events till I don't have time to really really really slack. ie. wake up late, read, read, read, read, sleep, sleep, sleep. (basically, be an anti-social bookworm (o_o)~)~)~)~)~)~)~)~) That was what I basically did during my secondary school holidays, and boy, do I miss those days.

needs time out! :X

bohemian rhapsody

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!

I went into the theatre with really low expectations. I mean, seriously, a rock-tribute musical? It sounded like some typical rock concert with filled with people-who-probably-cannot-sing-as-well-as-the-original-singers. If I really want to hear Queen's songs, I can just blast them on my CD player.

ohh boy... I was proved extremely wrong. (:

The singers' voices were all amazingly powerful and clear. All of them. And I loved the rock music. It was really refreshingly different from a typical musical, where they use mainly classical instruments.

Their script was pretty good too, however you need to know music history and pop culture relatively well to fully appreciate their jokes.

watch it!

I didn't know Queen originally sung Under Pressure!

Lyrics

Pressure pushing down on me

Pressing down on you no man ask for

Under pressure - that burns a building down

Splits a family in two

Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be

Um ba ba be

De day da

Ee day da - that's o.k.

It's the terror of knowing

What the world is about

Watching some good friends

Screaming 'Let me out'

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher

Pressure on people - people on streets

Day day de mm hm

Da da da ba ba

O.k.Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor

These are the days it never rains but it pours

Ee do ba be

Ee da ba ba ba

Um bo boBe lap

People on streets - ee da de da de

People on streets - ee da de da de da de da

It's the terror of knowing

What this world is about

Watching some good friends

Screaming 'Let me out'

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high

Pressure on people - people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Sat on a fence but it don't work

Keep coming up with love

but it's so slashed and torn

Why - why - why ?

Love love love love love

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance

Why can't we give love that one more chance

Why can't we give love give love give love give love

give love give love give love give love give love

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word

And love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And loves dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance

This is our last dance

This is ourselves

Under pressure

Under pressure

Pressure

*ask me if you want the mp3(:

Time to get a new pair of specs!

This pair was promised to be flexible, durable and lasting. Well, it had been a good 10 months. My friend suggested that should try army spectacles instead. But I heard it is not so lasting either. heh.

As usual, instead of studying, I was surfing the net and jumping from hyperlink to hyperlink.

and I chanced upon this!
http://www.who.int/whosis/mort/profiles/en/index.html#S
mortality profiles of ALL the countries~

I was comparing between singapore (classic first world), saudi arabia and sudan (super poor war torn african country). What surprised me was that the main cause of death for all three countries is Ischaemic heart disease, which I initially thought of as a first world disease. Surprisingly it is the first for Sudan as well, killing 8% of the total population. Saudi arabia, which I always thought of as a first world country, seems to be bogged by third world diseases such as perinatal conditions and diarrhoeal diseases. (severe diarrhoea, interestingly, can be "cured" by drinking a mixture of water, sugar and salt) It is fascinating what mortality statistics can tell you about a country. Saudi Arabia probably has a large rich-poor divide, with the rich suffering from diabetes mellitus (4% killed), and the poor dying from diarrhoea. Saudi arabia and sudan probably have poor road etiquette too (6% and 3% respectively), unlike singapore (death from road accidents not in top ten). and we are still super concerned about drink drivers and young (not teenage anymore ='( ) risk-loving drivers like yours truely. Looks like we should be more worried about dying from cancer. stomach cancer, colon cancer, lung cancer, liver cancer. Oh the good life we have, drinking smoking eating too much.

Sudan's mortality profile is particularly depressing.
Malaria, HIV/AIDS, Diarrhoeal diseases, Measles, Tuberculosis, War
All preventable and relatively easy, in terms of medication, to cure.

Another interesting note about the causes of death in children under five is that congenital anomalies, preterm birth and others is the highest amongst the first world countries, even higher than the average of the region. I am curious what others imply. Placing a child in a microwave perhaps? or death by flinging off a bridge...

I wonder whether the rate for congenital anomalies rise as a country becomes a first world, or did it remain the same?
i.e. you initally have 10 kamquats where 1 is always genetically rotten. Due to the environment, (damp weather, locusts, whatever) 6 of the 10 becomes rotten too. Therefore, genetics is the cause of rotten-ness in 1 out of 7 kamquats. Now the farmer buys a greenhouse to prevent the invasion of locusts, therefore only 2 kamquats out of 10 becomes rotten. 1 kamquat will always be rotten due to genetics, but now 50% of rotten-ness is caused by genetics instead of 14.3% previously.
So have the rate of congenital anomalies increase? well, technically it should as we are ingesting more cancerous food (according to researchers) and we are exposed to harmful mutagens. (like cigarette smoke@!)

anyway, the point is, gene therapy is the job of the future!

$_$

*needs to study harder*

This is how I waste my precious study time. I read other cool stuff just now but if I'm going to share them all, I would not be able to sleep tonight. >.<

awaiting the hols

Okay, I can't believe I just blogged such an emo-istic and stilted post this morning, it must be due to the unearthly time it was written. So there people, i'm fine. (: It is just một của tôi (one of my) mood swings!

On a cheerier note, I have confirmed my holiday plans for may june july! (: yipee. In May I'm going to look for a job, like waitressing! Ideally I would love to be an usher in the esplanade - free shows, great pay - but it is hard to find an opening. It is like The Dream Job. I can watch what I like, for free, and get paid as well! Now, that is a Fantastic bargain. Furthermore the great pay will add to my europe trip fund, which is hungry and starving due to the lack of funds (Any kind souls want to donate to my europe fund? Any amount would be greatly appreciated!!!=) Well, I managed to squeeze in a family trip to Shanghai during the first week of June. hoho. I cannot wait for the budget shopping, eating and dvd buying. Oh, and of course trying to speak to the people in chinese is fun. It is interesting to hear their suggestions as to where I am from, and so far I've got hong kong, hainan and not surprisingly singapore. They even narrowed down to the province! amazing huh. After the shanghai trip there will be the science orientation camp, which will occupy week 2 and 4 of june, and after that Hello to Europe! Okay, this would be my motivation to mug hard so that I can play hard during the hols.

chúc bạn vui vẻ!

PS: diễm có buồn không?